Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
WEST CHESTER, Ohio, Oct. 7 (UPI)—A suspicious package delivered to U.S. Rep. John Boehner’s West Chester, Ohio, office turned out to be raw bacon, the Butler County Bomb Squad said.
The delivery man has been charged with bacon and entering.
GREENVILLE, S.C. (AP)—Federal agents swept through a chicken processing plant Tuesday, detaining more than 300 suspected illegal immigrants, sending panicked workers running and screaming through the hallways.
An unknown number of illegal immigrants escaped by crossing the road.
CARACAS, Venezuela (AP) - Give up your gas-guzzler and get a free car. That's President Hugo Chavez's offer to Venezuelans. But you've gotta get down to Hugo's Tri-State Pontiac right now for the Gimme Your Guzzler fall sales event! Like the world's petroleum reserves, these deals won't last forever! VILLAGE OF BARKER, N.Y. (UPI)—A Village of Barker, N.Y., man said he survived being struck by lightning, with only minimal injuries, while pumping gas into his car.
Experts say that after the last year of gas prices the man was prepared for any shock that might occur at the pumps.
ROME (UPI)—Pope Benedict XVI Monday kicked off a weeklong televised Bible marathon featuring more than 1,200 people reading the Christian and Jewish testaments.
Unfortunately, the content of Genesis 19:30-19:36 means that the footage can only be shown after ten pm, and on cable.
SUZHOU, China (AP) - She's around 80 years old. He's 100. Breathless scientists watched as the world's most endangered turtles successfully mated.
The two turtles have filed suit to prevent a Nevada man from releasing a DVD showing footage from the encounter.
SASKATOON, Saskatchewan (UPI)—Police in Saskatoon, Canada, Tuesday shot and killed a 100-pound wild cougar spotted relaxing in a man’s yard.Young men of Saskatoon had mixed feelings and admitted that they would miss her when last call came around.
BODELWYDDAN, Wales (UPI)—Police say possible danger to motorists forced them to taser a sheep blocking traffic in North Wales.
Police say the sheep admitted to having “three bags full” of what they understood to be an illegal substance. The sheep claims it is the victim of racial profiling.
WASHINGTON (UPI)—The U.S. Food and Drug Administration said it has granted an exemption for the first heart pump that provides temporary support for the heart’s right side.
The pump has been nicknamed “Sarah Palin”.
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